I'm not entirely taking back what I said about Ok Cupid, but it did give me my first date in over a year this past weekend. Yes, the vast majority of messages are pointless, but every so often there are ones that are worth replying to.
It also turns out that playing with the site is a worthwhile and entertaining bus journey occupation. It was on my way home one afternoon that I spotted a message from 'London Guy' (an original username...) that was intelligent, amusing, referenced my profile and was worth responding to. [I'm sure my positive attitude had nothing to do with the counselling session I was returning home from.] By the time the bus reached my stop we'd agreed that meeting up was a good idea. My current attitude is that e-mailing back and forth is a waste of time and only builds up false expectations, so why not just bite the bullet and meet for coffee?
As it turned out, we were both going to be at the same Christian festival over the bank holiday and this seemed to be an even better, no pressure, environment in which to meet. I had to keep the time and location of our date secret from my friends after threats of stalking were issued, but a friendly pint in the beer tent certainly wasn't a fearsome prospect. In fact, it seemed ideal...
...until the spontaneous singing of hymns began 10 minutes after we'd sat down. Conducting a getting-to-know-you conversation while the people around you are lustily singing Tell Out My Soul is rather difficult, but we managed it. It was also slightly unfortunate that, when I checked my phone for the time 50 minutes in it turned out that a fellow camper had been trying to contact me for a while owing to emergency tent conditions. Thus the date terminated early, but with a promise of coffee in the capital at a later date. I guess that's a successful outcome.
What's also a successful outcome is that I can finally be a mature adult around Mr Long Replyer (oh yes, he's still around) and not simply ignore him. It's taken several group dinners, a week-long holiday and a weekend of camping, but we're pretty much there. He's a good guy, but soooooo not my type.
What's not been so great has been Good Male Friend's decision to join the world of online dating. His first mistake was to include me in a round-robin email asking for help describing him in 50 words for his profile. My initial reaction? Two words: thoughtless git. (I didn't send that email.) His second mistake was to decide that sending me an email via OK Cupid (once the site had matched us) would be hilarious. It wasn't. Nor was the fact that we got an 80% match - the highest of anyone I've yet found on it. Ouch.
But we move on, if not upwards. I'm still not convinced that the world of online dating is the way to go. Surely it's better to meet people in the real world and get the kick of chemistry that prompts you to want to find out more about someone? To be pursued by someone where the feeling's actually mutual? Or am I simply being a hopeless romantic?
Wednesday, 29 August 2012
Tuesday, 17 July 2012
Ok. Cupid?
There's nothing like an online dating success story to prompt you to try something new. Last week, a newly loved up (sickeningly loved up) friend ended a conversation with "seriously, just join Ok Cupid - it's amazing".
Always one to take relationship advice, I spent an evening signing up in solidarity with a fellow online dating explorer. Within minutes, we both had messages (and something mysteriously named 'quivers' which sounds a heck of a lot more interesting than it actually seems to be). Days later, I've received 19 messages, only a few of which were of the "let's chat" variety - though several more were strewn with spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. (Yes, I am that much of a pedant when it comes to men I'll consider dating.)
The real surprise is just how genuinely nice many of these messages are. I know they're aiming to impress (presumably), but to have several guys telling me how beautiful they think I am; or asking how I could possibly still be single; or even insisting that I must be out of their league, is really quite confidence inspiring.
Musing over my received messages with yet another fellow online dater (it's a veritable epidemic, seriously), I was told off for lacking in such self-confidence and insisting that they must simply be trying to get me into bed. Apparently, I should forget the men (well, man) who said I was unattractive and believe the people who insist that I am hot - good advice I feel.
However, despite the confidence boosting, I'm not entirely sure that OK Cupid is where I'm destined to find true love...
Always one to take relationship advice, I spent an evening signing up in solidarity with a fellow online dating explorer. Within minutes, we both had messages (and something mysteriously named 'quivers' which sounds a heck of a lot more interesting than it actually seems to be). Days later, I've received 19 messages, only a few of which were of the "let's chat" variety - though several more were strewn with spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. (Yes, I am that much of a pedant when it comes to men I'll consider dating.)
The real surprise is just how genuinely nice many of these messages are. I know they're aiming to impress (presumably), but to have several guys telling me how beautiful they think I am; or asking how I could possibly still be single; or even insisting that I must be out of their league, is really quite confidence inspiring.
Musing over my received messages with yet another fellow online dater (it's a veritable epidemic, seriously), I was told off for lacking in such self-confidence and insisting that they must simply be trying to get me into bed. Apparently, I should forget the men (well, man) who said I was unattractive and believe the people who insist that I am hot - good advice I feel.
However, despite the confidence boosting, I'm not entirely sure that OK Cupid is where I'm destined to find true love...
Wednesday, 1 February 2012
A simple way to make online dating fun...
...do it with a friend.
Specifically, a friend who will giggle with you about it and send you amusing/interesting profiles to read, while also on the same journey as you.
Colleague has become a highly entertaining feature of my latest foray into Christian Connection. In fact, I have more CC mailbox messages from her than anyone else - last night I got super excited that I had new mail, then I discovered it was from her. Plus, it's also good to have a banter partner ready to bounce ideas off. I've just engaged her in a brief email discussion regarding the pros and cons of first email jokes. Very useful.
It's also very good at helping you not take the whole thing too seriously. Online dating has to be held onto lightly, else you risk being offended every time a guy doesn't respond to a wave or message, or looks at your profile and does nothing more. They reassure you that you come across well in your profile; that you've chosen the right photo(s); that the glasses on that guy are cute; and join with you in swooning when a cute-ish guy includes a baby in their profile photo.
So, if you're doing this alone, come out into the open and find yourself a wingman or wingwoman - you won't regret it!
Specifically, a friend who will giggle with you about it and send you amusing/interesting profiles to read, while also on the same journey as you.
Colleague has become a highly entertaining feature of my latest foray into Christian Connection. In fact, I have more CC mailbox messages from her than anyone else - last night I got super excited that I had new mail, then I discovered it was from her. Plus, it's also good to have a banter partner ready to bounce ideas off. I've just engaged her in a brief email discussion regarding the pros and cons of first email jokes. Very useful.
It's also very good at helping you not take the whole thing too seriously. Online dating has to be held onto lightly, else you risk being offended every time a guy doesn't respond to a wave or message, or looks at your profile and does nothing more. They reassure you that you come across well in your profile; that you've chosen the right photo(s); that the glasses on that guy are cute; and join with you in swooning when a cute-ish guy includes a baby in their profile photo.
So, if you're doing this alone, come out into the open and find yourself a wingman or wingwoman - you won't regret it!
Tuesday, 31 January 2012
Continuing lessons
It's amazing the difference a year or two makes in this whole area. This time round, I am taking things both less and more seriously. Less in that I don't mind if people ignore me; more in that I have a strategy and I'm making myself do things that I might not have usually done.
The strategy works like this:
So far it's having mixed results, but that's ok. Mr Coward hasn't replied to the message I sent him last week - one of his suggested I contact him via Facebook, but I'm not willing to expose that much about myself so early on. Someone I'm very keen on hadn't replied to my wave, but had looked at my profile a couple of times, so I sent them a message last night - we'll see what happens next. Someone else immediately responded to my wave with a message that was rather lovely, and someone else has emailed me at my alternate address. I think that's good going for 7 days...
The strategy works like this:
- I 'wave' at any one who looks interesting and who I'd be happy to have coffee with.
- If they wave back, I automatically send them a message.
- If they're not a full member, I send them a message including an alternate email address I've set up expressly for this purpose (see, taking it seriously!).
- If they don't wave back and I'm really interested, I message them anyway.
So far it's having mixed results, but that's ok. Mr Coward hasn't replied to the message I sent him last week - one of his suggested I contact him via Facebook, but I'm not willing to expose that much about myself so early on. Someone I'm very keen on hadn't replied to my wave, but had looked at my profile a couple of times, so I sent them a message last night - we'll see what happens next. Someone else immediately responded to my wave with a message that was rather lovely, and someone else has emailed me at my alternate address. I think that's good going for 7 days...
About the alternate address...
This is a fabulous idea. I'm not too keen (given my slightly unusual surname) to get my full name out there immediately, or to give people something that easily leads them to my Facebook account or Google profile. So instead, I've created a Gmail address that includes my account username which autoforwards all mail to my regular account. From there, I can choose whether I send mail as me, or the alternate. Simples.
In the mean time, I've learnt several things:
- Including a photo of yourself with a Bishop is a surprisingly good tactic. (Colleague did this first - I laughed, she informed me that she'd had an email thanks to it.) I've now had one email appreciating mine. Wow.
- Man + baby + profile photo = swoon.
- I'm pretty sure I'm not up for dating a guy who'd respect my purity to the extent of not kissing me till our wedding day.
- I'm also not up for a man whose response to the TV section of the profile is 'TV: full of sin'.
- A surprising number of men feel it's appropriate to include photos of their dogs (just their dogs) on their profile. One man - the sinful TV guy - included a photo of his church building.
- There are a lot of strange guys out there, but there are some gems too.
Tuesday, 24 January 2012
Jumping back in
It's January, and like many a lonesome singleton, I have jumped back into the pool of online dating.
Actually, it's not quite as pathetic as it sounds. I've been encouraged to move my Christian membership up to full, partly thanks to a message from a potential possibility (let's call him Mr Coward) and partly because a colleague has joined and it's nice to share these amusing adventures. In fact, it was logging on to see if someone that had messaged her had ever messaged me that revealed that a message I'd not bothered reading actually had some potential...
Spending an afternoon chuckling at the ridiculousness of my colleague communicating with a man who thought that port, JS Bach and the rise of the Provisional Government in 1917 were suitable topics for early-stage email flirtation was enough to inspire me. So this evening I've shelled out some cash, 'waved' at a few vaguely interesting men with abandon and replied to the aforementioned Mr Coward. I'll give it a month to see what - if anything - emerges.
And what of the last 6 months (or more)? Well, I didn't go on holiday with Mr Long Replyer (he dropped out at the last minute - so last minute that I got off the plane half expecting him to be at the airport), but he's probably going to be around on our next jolly over Easter. We saw each other twice in the space of a week at a couple of dinner parties, the highlight of which was a small gathering where the only men were him and GMF - wonderful. Oh, and I was forwarded an email from him containing very odd references to the 'karmic coincidence' of me organising the next group holiday. Fun stuff. I'll say it again - be careful how you end online dalliances!
Oh, and I reprised my performance as Kate Winslet playing Iris in The Holiday. I had gumption an told a man who had been an idiot that he had been an idiot. I then spent several weeks weeping; a little bit longer being angry; and a bit longer than that wondering where all the non-idiotic men were. 2012 dawned with a new sense of freedom and hope - which can only be a good thing.
Stay tuned for further dating adventures and ponderings...
Actually, it's not quite as pathetic as it sounds. I've been encouraged to move my Christian membership up to full, partly thanks to a message from a potential possibility (let's call him Mr Coward) and partly because a colleague has joined and it's nice to share these amusing adventures. In fact, it was logging on to see if someone that had messaged her had ever messaged me that revealed that a message I'd not bothered reading actually had some potential...
Spending an afternoon chuckling at the ridiculousness of my colleague communicating with a man who thought that port, JS Bach and the rise of the Provisional Government in 1917 were suitable topics for early-stage email flirtation was enough to inspire me. So this evening I've shelled out some cash, 'waved' at a few vaguely interesting men with abandon and replied to the aforementioned Mr Coward. I'll give it a month to see what - if anything - emerges.
And what of the last 6 months (or more)? Well, I didn't go on holiday with Mr Long Replyer (he dropped out at the last minute - so last minute that I got off the plane half expecting him to be at the airport), but he's probably going to be around on our next jolly over Easter. We saw each other twice in the space of a week at a couple of dinner parties, the highlight of which was a small gathering where the only men were him and GMF - wonderful. Oh, and I was forwarded an email from him containing very odd references to the 'karmic coincidence' of me organising the next group holiday. Fun stuff. I'll say it again - be careful how you end online dalliances!
Oh, and I reprised my performance as Kate Winslet playing Iris in The Holiday. I had gumption an told a man who had been an idiot that he had been an idiot. I then spent several weeks weeping; a little bit longer being angry; and a bit longer than that wondering where all the non-idiotic men were. 2012 dawned with a new sense of freedom and hope - which can only be a good thing.
Stay tuned for further dating adventures and ponderings...
Thursday, 30 June 2011
Not dating, holidays and even more coincidence
Firstly, the June 12th deadline came and went (in fact, I think the challenger forgot about it) and nothing happened. I went on no dates - well, unless you count an invite to lunch with a not-unattractive future male colleague who then paid the bill? (I don't.)
Secondly, it looks as though I might be going on holiday with Mr Long Replyer. No, not a romantic getaway - just an occurrence resulting from our colliding social circles. In fact, I saw him relatively recently and did the incredibly mature thing of ignoring him completely. This bodes really well for a week's vacation...
Thirdly, I had lunch today with a friend of a friend who not only is the girl who went on a date with Guardian Man last summer (after he gave me the cold shoulder), but also went on a date with Mr Long Replyer about 4 weeks before I did. Plus, it turns out that Guardian Man and Mr Long Replyer are friends. People, it seems that that basically there are so few single men in the Christian world that basically you know all of them and they all know each other too. Terrifying.
Fourthly, a good friend of mine went on a date with a guy from eHarmony a couple of weeks ago - good for her! Sadly it was a trifle dull and she won't be looking for a second meeting, but amusingly, that very same day he appeared in a list of possible matches that Christian Connections sent me. I promptly checked his profile to see if it was the same guy - it was - but this viewing would have shown up on his account (sneaky dating websites) and the following day he 'waved' at me. Rather irrationally I branded him a player...
Fifthly, it's wedding season. Life is incredibly depressing.
Secondly, it looks as though I might be going on holiday with Mr Long Replyer. No, not a romantic getaway - just an occurrence resulting from our colliding social circles. In fact, I saw him relatively recently and did the incredibly mature thing of ignoring him completely. This bodes really well for a week's vacation...
Thirdly, I had lunch today with a friend of a friend who not only is the girl who went on a date with Guardian Man last summer (after he gave me the cold shoulder), but also went on a date with Mr Long Replyer about 4 weeks before I did. Plus, it turns out that Guardian Man and Mr Long Replyer are friends. People, it seems that that basically there are so few single men in the Christian world that basically you know all of them and they all know each other too. Terrifying.
Fourthly, a good friend of mine went on a date with a guy from eHarmony a couple of weeks ago - good for her! Sadly it was a trifle dull and she won't be looking for a second meeting, but amusingly, that very same day he appeared in a list of possible matches that Christian Connections sent me. I promptly checked his profile to see if it was the same guy - it was - but this viewing would have shown up on his account (sneaky dating websites) and the following day he 'waved' at me. Rather irrationally I branded him a player...
Fifthly, it's wedding season. Life is incredibly depressing.
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
Challenge
It's been all quiet on the dating front lately - from my perspective at least. However, it appears that the guys at church may finally be getting their act together (though sadly this included Fit Barman getting his act together with someone who is not me).
Sunday night, after church, I found myself embroiled in two consecutive conversations with two different men about the pros and cons of the dating field, especially in a church context. Guy 1 was contemplating a third date with someone and was wondering whether it was appropriate to go in for a pash (he's an Aussie so therefore doesn't use the hideous 'snog') - I think our conclusion was that it was ok, providing he actually liked the girl. He reckoned that guys had got an unjustified bad reputation for not stepping up to the mark and asking girls out, when in fact they are willing to do just that.
His point was supported by Guy 2, who had been on a date the day before. In fact, he was so incensed that the three girls he was chatting with were date-less, that he issued us with a challenge - to have gone on at least one date in the next month. Our deadline is June 12th - the nearest Sunday. We accepted, though I can't help but feel it's a challenge I'm unlikely to succeed in. One of the three is kind of seeing someone, and depending on how that turns out, she'll complete the challenge. The other one's about to go off on holiday, so who knows what will happen there. Suffice to say that I have the worst dating record of the trio.
Still, it's a challenge and I like to rise to them. A month is a long time...
Sunday night, after church, I found myself embroiled in two consecutive conversations with two different men about the pros and cons of the dating field, especially in a church context. Guy 1 was contemplating a third date with someone and was wondering whether it was appropriate to go in for a pash (he's an Aussie so therefore doesn't use the hideous 'snog') - I think our conclusion was that it was ok, providing he actually liked the girl. He reckoned that guys had got an unjustified bad reputation for not stepping up to the mark and asking girls out, when in fact they are willing to do just that.
His point was supported by Guy 2, who had been on a date the day before. In fact, he was so incensed that the three girls he was chatting with were date-less, that he issued us with a challenge - to have gone on at least one date in the next month. Our deadline is June 12th - the nearest Sunday. We accepted, though I can't help but feel it's a challenge I'm unlikely to succeed in. One of the three is kind of seeing someone, and depending on how that turns out, she'll complete the challenge. The other one's about to go off on holiday, so who knows what will happen there. Suffice to say that I have the worst dating record of the trio.
Still, it's a challenge and I like to rise to them. A month is a long time...
Saturday, 2 April 2011
Bad dates
How I love stories of dire dates...
Tonight an old friend told me of two classics. The first was a fresh (very fresh) example - from today, in fact. She was late to our dinner with a mutual friend because she'd been with a friend in a cafe when their laptop was stolen earlier in the afternoon. Once she arrived, it emerged that this hadn't simply been coffee with a friend, it was actually a first date. How awful! She felt really bad, not least because not only had he lost his laptop, but she also didn't think she liked him more than a friend.
Later, we shared further dating stories, while our mutual friend (married for over four years) sat back and thanked her lucky stars that she was no longer on the dating scene. The worst story went something like this:
Friend of the laptop theft had been set up by her parents (yes, her parents - for the first and last time) and from the moment she met the guy it wasn't likely to go well as he was significantly (i.e. more than a foot) shorter than her. She persisted for her parents' sake and rejected his dinner suggestion in favour of coffee. In the cafe, he ordered and didn't bother asking her if she wanted anything (even the waitress was surprised), so she bought her own drink. [Btw, we don't have issues with paying our own way on dates, but it's just coffee - surely it's mean not to even offer?] Then, the opening question from him was: "so, you googled me, right?".
No, no she hadn't. The thought hadn't even crossed her mind. I mean, I'd do if I knew the full name of the person in advance (which isn't often the case with online dating or when I matchmaked by The Matchmaker), but I wouldn't tell them I'd done it! It turns out that she's not particularly tech-savvy, so I'm going to have to give her a lesson on the importance of googling oneself at regular intervals, but needless to say this topic of conversation freaked her out a bit. The date didn't last much long than a very quick caffeine injection and her parents probably won't ever be able to set her up with someone again.
Tonight an old friend told me of two classics. The first was a fresh (very fresh) example - from today, in fact. She was late to our dinner with a mutual friend because she'd been with a friend in a cafe when their laptop was stolen earlier in the afternoon. Once she arrived, it emerged that this hadn't simply been coffee with a friend, it was actually a first date. How awful! She felt really bad, not least because not only had he lost his laptop, but she also didn't think she liked him more than a friend.
Later, we shared further dating stories, while our mutual friend (married for over four years) sat back and thanked her lucky stars that she was no longer on the dating scene. The worst story went something like this:
Friend of the laptop theft had been set up by her parents (yes, her parents - for the first and last time) and from the moment she met the guy it wasn't likely to go well as he was significantly (i.e. more than a foot) shorter than her. She persisted for her parents' sake and rejected his dinner suggestion in favour of coffee. In the cafe, he ordered and didn't bother asking her if she wanted anything (even the waitress was surprised), so she bought her own drink. [Btw, we don't have issues with paying our own way on dates, but it's just coffee - surely it's mean not to even offer?] Then, the opening question from him was: "so, you googled me, right?".
No, no she hadn't. The thought hadn't even crossed her mind. I mean, I'd do if I knew the full name of the person in advance (which isn't often the case with online dating or when I matchmaked by The Matchmaker), but I wouldn't tell them I'd done it! It turns out that she's not particularly tech-savvy, so I'm going to have to give her a lesson on the importance of googling oneself at regular intervals, but needless to say this topic of conversation freaked her out a bit. The date didn't last much long than a very quick caffeine injection and her parents probably won't ever be able to set her up with someone again.
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
Matchmaking at work
It comes to something when one of the (many) e-mails you discover upon returning to work after a holiday, is from a colleague asking you to share dates when you might be able to come round for dinner. This might be a nice thing, except this particular colleague has been badgering you for ages about this particular rendezvous, as they'd like to set you up with someone...
This, of course, is a terribly nice thing - wanting you to meet someone you might like and live happily ever after with - but at the same time, this is matchmaking in the workplace, and this can get awkward...
Like the colleague mentioning the guy she has in mind during team meetings or coffee breaks, so that before long, every single person on the floor is aware that she's plotting to matchmake me. And the 'date' itself would be awkward - in her house, with her family (who I've not met), with someone she describes as a 'second son'. If I don't like him, this is going to get tricky.
But one of my colleagues thinks this is great - they'd like me to do it just so I can report back on what will invariably (according to them) an hilarious evening. I suppose I've got nothing to lose, but this does seem to be an awkward clash of personal life and work life.
This, of course, is a terribly nice thing - wanting you to meet someone you might like and live happily ever after with - but at the same time, this is matchmaking in the workplace, and this can get awkward...
Like the colleague mentioning the guy she has in mind during team meetings or coffee breaks, so that before long, every single person on the floor is aware that she's plotting to matchmake me. And the 'date' itself would be awkward - in her house, with her family (who I've not met), with someone she describes as a 'second son'. If I don't like him, this is going to get tricky.
But one of my colleagues thinks this is great - they'd like me to do it just so I can report back on what will invariably (according to them) an hilarious evening. I suppose I've got nothing to lose, but this does seem to be an awkward clash of personal life and work life.
Friday, 25 February 2011
Blind Date
Blind dates are weird. Good weird, but weird nonetheless.
Last night passed off successfully. 'Successfully' in that my date was not atrocious - in fact he was amusing, interesting and we talked for a significant length of time. There was pre-dinner drinks (thanks to a long table wait), dinner and post-dinner drinks. In the process we established just how ridiculous it was that we'd never met before given the number of mutual friends we have at church.
Then, rather embarrassingly, he worked out that we'd both sung in the church choir at Christmas. I have no memory of him, which means that I didn't think he was particularly attractive - there was only a small number of men and I watched them closely as I like singing men. I'm not sure that I found him particularly attractive this time - but then I do have slightly unpredictable taste in men and even ones that I've loved dearly I've not actually thought was hot.
As an aside, is it random that mid-way through the date, apropros of nothing, I was asked if I found Colin Firth hot? I'm not even sure what the right answer to this question would have been! [If you're interested, I said that I didn't find him particularly hot, that Guy Pearce was hotter in The King's Speech, that I'm not someone who swooned at the white shirt scene in P&P but that I did love him as Mr Darcy in Bridget Jones.]
One final thing, I fear that my date may have lacked the mysterious 'edge' I'm looking for. It's an unquantifiable quality, but it's always clear when it's absent. I think I noticed it was missing during a conversation about Black Swan...
Anyway, the point of the date was not suddenly fall head over heels in love with someone, it was to get men and women socialising and getting to know each other - if further dating follows, that's a bonus. Plus, now I have a new friend to say hello to at church. Hopefully The Matchmaker will suggest another blind date soon.
Last night passed off successfully. 'Successfully' in that my date was not atrocious - in fact he was amusing, interesting and we talked for a significant length of time. There was pre-dinner drinks (thanks to a long table wait), dinner and post-dinner drinks. In the process we established just how ridiculous it was that we'd never met before given the number of mutual friends we have at church.
Then, rather embarrassingly, he worked out that we'd both sung in the church choir at Christmas. I have no memory of him, which means that I didn't think he was particularly attractive - there was only a small number of men and I watched them closely as I like singing men. I'm not sure that I found him particularly attractive this time - but then I do have slightly unpredictable taste in men and even ones that I've loved dearly I've not actually thought was hot.
As an aside, is it random that mid-way through the date, apropros of nothing, I was asked if I found Colin Firth hot? I'm not even sure what the right answer to this question would have been! [If you're interested, I said that I didn't find him particularly hot, that Guy Pearce was hotter in The King's Speech, that I'm not someone who swooned at the white shirt scene in P&P but that I did love him as Mr Darcy in Bridget Jones.]
One final thing, I fear that my date may have lacked the mysterious 'edge' I'm looking for. It's an unquantifiable quality, but it's always clear when it's absent. I think I noticed it was missing during a conversation about Black Swan...
Anyway, the point of the date was not suddenly fall head over heels in love with someone, it was to get men and women socialising and getting to know each other - if further dating follows, that's a bonus. Plus, now I have a new friend to say hello to at church. Hopefully The Matchmaker will suggest another blind date soon.
Thursday, 17 February 2011
Postponement
How disappointing. The Matchmaker has just texted to say that my date needs to postpone till next week. It's a shame, but the text she forwarded from him was suitably apologetic and lovely, so that's ok.
I realised the other day that this is the first time I've ever been on a totally blind date - i.e. with no idea of what the other person looks like, does, is interested in...nothing. I like firsts! Literally all I know is where he goes to church and that we have mutual friends. Bizarre.
In other positives, while I'm still holding firm to the 'no checking on Facebook' rule, I did mention his name to a friend at church this week. Her response was more than reassuring - "Oooooh, interesting! I'm impressed, that's a surprisingly good match...". I'm not getting excited by this, it's more to do with her having previous experience of The Matchmaker's good intentions than anything else.
Another bonus of the delay is that it gives me more time to work out what to wear, how to blow-dry my new (two day old) haircut properly and possibly buy some new shoes. Fun times.
I realised the other day that this is the first time I've ever been on a totally blind date - i.e. with no idea of what the other person looks like, does, is interested in...nothing. I like firsts! Literally all I know is where he goes to church and that we have mutual friends. Bizarre.
In other positives, while I'm still holding firm to the 'no checking on Facebook' rule, I did mention his name to a friend at church this week. Her response was more than reassuring - "Oooooh, interesting! I'm impressed, that's a surprisingly good match...". I'm not getting excited by this, it's more to do with her having previous experience of The Matchmaker's good intentions than anything else.
Another bonus of the delay is that it gives me more time to work out what to wear, how to blow-dry my new (two day old) haircut properly and possibly buy some new shoes. Fun times.
Friday, 11 February 2011
First Date
First New York style date took longer to organise than anticipated, but it's in the diary for Thursday next week at a mutually agreed central location. It feels rather odd organising a meeting via a medium (i.e. the matchmaker, as opposed to a spiritualist) rather than actually communicating with the person you're meeting, but at the same time kind of nice.
Matchmaker suggester a restaurant, so neither of us had to think of that and, as an added bonus I went there just last month so not only do I know where it is, but also what I like on the menu. Here's hoping they won't make me try Mexican street food from the weirder end of the spectrum...
Oh, and the other great thing about this matchmaking business is that Matchmaker already has her next date for me up her sleeve - so if Thursday is a disaster, it really doesn't matter - there's another guy already lined up for a date. I could really get used to this and, compared to all those online dating sites, this is incredibly cheap - all it's costing me is sporadic coffees for the Matchmaker...
Matchmaker suggester a restaurant, so neither of us had to think of that and, as an added bonus I went there just last month so not only do I know where it is, but also what I like on the menu. Here's hoping they won't make me try Mexican street food from the weirder end of the spectrum...
Oh, and the other great thing about this matchmaking business is that Matchmaker already has her next date for me up her sleeve - so if Thursday is a disaster, it really doesn't matter - there's another guy already lined up for a date. I could really get used to this and, compared to all those online dating sites, this is incredibly cheap - all it's costing me is sporadic coffees for the Matchmaker...
Friday, 4 February 2011
New York style dating
This afternoon, I was unusually referred to as Carrie Bradshaw several times during one coffee date (I use date in the context of two friends meeting for a hot beverage at a scheduled time). This friend - lets call her Singer Friend - and I meet regularly for coffee and she is a seasoned listener to my men woes. This friend is also something of a matchmaker and had alerted me a couple of weeks ago that after a dry patch, she was ready to get going again and had me firmly on her list of potentials...
For 2011 she's decided to encourage 'New York style dating' amongst her friends and acquaintances - dates that don't necessarily mean either party is massively interested, but that are a way of getting to know people. Thus, she is in the process of setting up several couples on blind dates (I am the fourth this week) with no strings attached. She compared it to Sex and the City (though insisting that as we're good Christians there'll be no sex) and likened me to Carrie. Honestly, Carrie and I don't have much in common - except for blonde, sporadically wild hair; something of a shoe interest; and a passion for writing - so this was really quite a compliment.
Singer Friend is so into this that I joked that she was like Sally's friend in When Harry Met Sally who had a rolladex containing possible men - her response was that as she'd walked through the bookstore in which we were drinking she'd browsed the nice notebook section with a view to using one for such a purpose.
Anyway, the upshot of this is that I have a date - next week in fact. Exact date is to be negotiated via Singer Friend, but it's very much on the cards. I have his name, but he doesn't know mine (she thinks that women prefer to have at least a little bit of info to go on), I've also sworn not to look him up on Facebook. I recognised the name (it's a guy from church) but though I can't recall what he looks like, have a vague recollection that I've seen photos of him & been vaguely intrigued. But it's just one date and already she's planning more...
I just hope that it's more successful than the last time she tried to matchmake me. She'd mentioned a guy who'd met me at her engagement party and circumstances meant that she didn't have chance to organise a date before her wedding. So what did she do instead? Seat us together at the reception, of course! On a table with no one I knew - without any of my many friends who were present - I was stuck next to a guy with an unfortunate first name who's most interesting topic of conversation was a recent translation of the Bible from Hebrew into Spanish. We had nothing in common and I spent a lot of the reception trying to escape him (while one dear, dear friend sniggered from a neighbouring table). Since then she's apologised profusely and now I'm ready to trust her judgement. Let's see what happens.
For 2011 she's decided to encourage 'New York style dating' amongst her friends and acquaintances - dates that don't necessarily mean either party is massively interested, but that are a way of getting to know people. Thus, she is in the process of setting up several couples on blind dates (I am the fourth this week) with no strings attached. She compared it to Sex and the City (though insisting that as we're good Christians there'll be no sex) and likened me to Carrie. Honestly, Carrie and I don't have much in common - except for blonde, sporadically wild hair; something of a shoe interest; and a passion for writing - so this was really quite a compliment.
Singer Friend is so into this that I joked that she was like Sally's friend in When Harry Met Sally who had a rolladex containing possible men - her response was that as she'd walked through the bookstore in which we were drinking she'd browsed the nice notebook section with a view to using one for such a purpose.
Anyway, the upshot of this is that I have a date - next week in fact. Exact date is to be negotiated via Singer Friend, but it's very much on the cards. I have his name, but he doesn't know mine (she thinks that women prefer to have at least a little bit of info to go on), I've also sworn not to look him up on Facebook. I recognised the name (it's a guy from church) but though I can't recall what he looks like, have a vague recollection that I've seen photos of him & been vaguely intrigued. But it's just one date and already she's planning more...
I just hope that it's more successful than the last time she tried to matchmake me. She'd mentioned a guy who'd met me at her engagement party and circumstances meant that she didn't have chance to organise a date before her wedding. So what did she do instead? Seat us together at the reception, of course! On a table with no one I knew - without any of my many friends who were present - I was stuck next to a guy with an unfortunate first name who's most interesting topic of conversation was a recent translation of the Bible from Hebrew into Spanish. We had nothing in common and I spent a lot of the reception trying to escape him (while one dear, dear friend sniggered from a neighbouring table). Since then she's apologised profusely and now I'm ready to trust her judgement. Let's see what happens.
Friday, 28 January 2011
The Christian world moves in ever decreasing circles
So, the saga (is it a saga? perhaps story is more apt) of Guardian Man continues...
A little bit before Christmas I went to a comedy thing organised by the same people involved in the end of summer Christian festival I like to attend. It was likely that Guardian Man would also be present, as it's the team he produces, but as I was going with GMF I figured I was unlikely to run into him and it was even less likely that he'd recognise me as the blithering idiot from 4 months previously. However, on the day GMF bailed and I ended up going solo.
After the event, a few people asked me to review on my regular blog, so I did and it then got rather widely distributed across the Christian web. For some reason, within my post I felt inspired to mention this possibly awkward interaction:
This week further randomness ensued thanks to Twitter - I noticed that GMF was now following Guardian Man and that Guardian Man had reciprocated. Even weirder.
Seriously, do random connections happen like this with other people? I mean seriously, I seem to not be able to go near a dating site without it coming back and hitting me!
A little bit before Christmas I went to a comedy thing organised by the same people involved in the end of summer Christian festival I like to attend. It was likely that Guardian Man would also be present, as it's the team he produces, but as I was going with GMF I figured I was unlikely to run into him and it was even less likely that he'd recognise me as the blithering idiot from 4 months previously. However, on the day GMF bailed and I ended up going solo.
After the event, a few people asked me to review on my regular blog, so I did and it then got rather widely distributed across the Christian web. For some reason, within my post I felt inspired to mention this possibly awkward interaction:
A particular achievement was successfully saving myself from a potentially embarrassing encounter with someone I'd met at the last [the festival] (at 1am, at the end of the festival and fairly delirious from lack of sleep) who I knew would be there.
When we'd last chatted (I say chatted, I may in fact have wittered at length) he had spent the entire conversation trying to work out how he recognised me, certain that we had met before. We hadn't, but I might once have sent him an e-mail via a Christian dating site that he may or may not have replied to, and we might also have had a mutual friend who had then introduced us in person (she thought it would be funny to see what happened). Anyway, I was anxious not to repeat what was a fairly mortifying experience and was hopeful that he wouldn't recognise me (for a start, I wasn't wearing my uber attractive 'camping occasions fleece'). He walked past me just as I was leaving and did a double-take, but thankfully didn't stop to talk - potentially embarrassing encounter avoided.Thing was, this post was so widely distributed that I realised it was likely Guardian Man himself had read it. Then someone sent me a link to a YouTube video that was shown at the event, so I could link to it. When I looked it up, I discovered that the video had been posted by none other than Guardian Man and that it also linked back to my review. Thus, one could safely say that he had read it - whether he'd realised it was him is another matter...
This week further randomness ensued thanks to Twitter - I noticed that GMF was now following Guardian Man and that Guardian Man had reciprocated. Even weirder.
Seriously, do random connections happen like this with other people? I mean seriously, I seem to not be able to go near a dating site without it coming back and hitting me!
Tuesday, 30 November 2010
Always play nice...
...otherwise one day, karma will jump up and bite you on the ass.
Life is far too busy for online dating at the moment. Given as I average one free evening a week at the moment (and need that to do laundry) I have little time for seeing the people I like to see on a regular basis, let alone anyone new. [Having said that, I would of course drop all plans should certain men suddenly become desperate to spend time with me.]
That's not to say that there are no stories to tell. As with many of the stories I seem to share here, it's one of living in a very small world and, in this specific case, bad karma.
Yesterday, I saw Good Male Friend while he was working at a decidedly chilly Christmas market with a colleague of mine (well, we do the same job but with different organisations) and someone I'd not met before, but had heard a lot about. GMF and I don't have many mutual friends, but our social circles often collide in exceedingly random and coincidental ways. I was therefore not surprised when he said "I met someone you know at Thanksgiving dinner yesterday..." What I wasn't expecting was the response I got to my question of who it was. Apparently I "went on a blind date with him in the summer and never called him back - he seemed rather miffed about it".
Oh yes, GMF had met Mr Long Replyer. (Why I didn't respond in the end is chronicled here and here.) Oh good God, how does this stuff happen to me?!
It was, of course, owing to my unfortunately unusual surname. Apparently I'd come up in conversation (I knew a few people at the meal) and as soon as my surname was mentioned, Mr Long Replyer made the connection. How I cringed! Not least because it means that there's a possibility I may run into him again in the future - eeek.
I tried to explain to GMF and colleague why I'd not replied in the end - without making him sound bad. GMF insisted that it probably wasn't such a big deal and it was just one of those things. Colleague pointed out that they'd agreed at the meal not to mention it to me, but GMF couldn't resist.
This leads me into an interesting position, in a variety of ways:
(i) GMF had no idea I was dipping my toe into the dating scene and seemed somewhat surprised that I'd not told him about it or this date. [To be fair, not only was it a month after he told me he wasn't interested, he was also in America.]
(ii) GMF now knows that this blog exists and what its about - yet is disappointed that I won't give him the link. Hmph.
(iii) One of the negatives of Mr LR was that he was very like GMF, yet wasn't GMF - I wonder if GMF spotted this?
(iv) What if I meet Mr LR again? That will be quite, quite embarrassing.
In the mean time, I will simply hang my head in embarrassment and shame and pray for forgiveness. Never again will I not reply to someone's heartfelt missive. I am a bad, bad woman.
Life is far too busy for online dating at the moment. Given as I average one free evening a week at the moment (and need that to do laundry) I have little time for seeing the people I like to see on a regular basis, let alone anyone new. [Having said that, I would of course drop all plans should certain men suddenly become desperate to spend time with me.]
That's not to say that there are no stories to tell. As with many of the stories I seem to share here, it's one of living in a very small world and, in this specific case, bad karma.
Yesterday, I saw Good Male Friend while he was working at a decidedly chilly Christmas market with a colleague of mine (well, we do the same job but with different organisations) and someone I'd not met before, but had heard a lot about. GMF and I don't have many mutual friends, but our social circles often collide in exceedingly random and coincidental ways. I was therefore not surprised when he said "I met someone you know at Thanksgiving dinner yesterday..." What I wasn't expecting was the response I got to my question of who it was. Apparently I "went on a blind date with him in the summer and never called him back - he seemed rather miffed about it".
Oh yes, GMF had met Mr Long Replyer. (Why I didn't respond in the end is chronicled here and here.) Oh good God, how does this stuff happen to me?!
It was, of course, owing to my unfortunately unusual surname. Apparently I'd come up in conversation (I knew a few people at the meal) and as soon as my surname was mentioned, Mr Long Replyer made the connection. How I cringed! Not least because it means that there's a possibility I may run into him again in the future - eeek.
I tried to explain to GMF and colleague why I'd not replied in the end - without making him sound bad. GMF insisted that it probably wasn't such a big deal and it was just one of those things. Colleague pointed out that they'd agreed at the meal not to mention it to me, but GMF couldn't resist.
This leads me into an interesting position, in a variety of ways:
(i) GMF had no idea I was dipping my toe into the dating scene and seemed somewhat surprised that I'd not told him about it or this date. [To be fair, not only was it a month after he told me he wasn't interested, he was also in America.]
(ii) GMF now knows that this blog exists and what its about - yet is disappointed that I won't give him the link. Hmph.
(iii) One of the negatives of Mr LR was that he was very like GMF, yet wasn't GMF - I wonder if GMF spotted this?
(iv) What if I meet Mr LR again? That will be quite, quite embarrassing.
In the mean time, I will simply hang my head in embarrassment and shame and pray for forgiveness. Never again will I not reply to someone's heartfelt missive. I am a bad, bad woman.
Saturday, 16 October 2010
The danger of complaining
Over the summer, the Christian dating site re-launched itself and as a result all members got full access for a trial period. Unfortunately, this coincided with my holiday away with several thousand Christians, so I missed out.
A few weeks later I spotted a couple of glitches with the new set-up (it was around the time I was considering returning to it as a fully paid-up member) so e-mailed to let them know. At the same time I threw in a minor complaint that I'd missed out on the free trial, kind of hoping to be given another.
I was, though sadly this trial clashed with Christian festival weekend, so again I couldn't use it. Once home, I considered e-mailing again and opened up the message I'd been sent. That was when I realised that it had been written by someone I know. Someone whose husband is in the same kids church team as me, who I was next to during the service a couple of weeks ago...
Yes, I was vaguely aware that she worked for this site, but I didn't really know what she did! Does she know it was actually me? Probably? Am I embarrassed? Yes.
I shouldn't be embarrassed, it's just a dating site, but still. Stupid small world.
An update:
I haven't re-joined the Christian site properly, but I have cancelled my eHarmony subscription. Actually, I've not been thinking about online dating much because, well because an idiot boy's being an idiot. I should probably stop letting that be a distraction and jump back into the game in time for the nights drawing in.
Wednesday, 1 September 2010
It's a small, small world after all...
My last post mentioned Guardian Man - he was the man that prompted me to shell out actual money to join Christian Connection - ticked a lot of my boxes - but sadly, never replied to my initial e-mail. (Was it because I mentioned my dislike of the Guardian website's re-design? Quite possibly.) My colleague's friend was using the next Christian festival as an opportunity to meet up with him.
The end of the summer Christian festival is usually good for a bit of speed dating and a lot of the Christian Connection men state that they're fans - in fact Mr Long Replyer and I had a long chat about it on our date. I've dabbled in the speed dating events, but otherwise there aren't a lot of opportunities to get chatting with potentially interesting men. To be honest, a little bit of me regretted not having had the forethought to try and set up some dates in advance.
On the drive down to the fields of green, the driver (another London based Christian singleton) and I were chatting about this story and the fact that it's quite brave to set something like that up - I mean, what if the date was a total disaster and you kept bumping into them throughout the event? [Because of course we all know that it is those we wish to avoid who we bump into at every opportunity.]
Anyway, in my telling of the story I mentioned that this was a guy I'd e-mailed owing to his Guardian connections. Her ears pricked up at this and asked if I knew his name - I did and she laughed - it turned out she knew him (went to the same church). The small, small Christian world strikes again!
This in itself was amusing enough, but on the last night she orchestrated a move that I wouldn't usually consider her capable of. At literally the final event of the entire festival, he appeared - it turned out he was involved behind the scenes. He spotted her, she waved and he came over - so she took the opportunity to introduce us.
I should at this moment mention that it was now 1am on Tuesday morning. I'd been camping since Friday - my last shower had been Friday morning. I was sun and wind burned. My hair had been in a hat for quite a while. I was wearing my 'camping ocassions fleece' (possibly my least attractive item of clothing) and had just had a little nap during a rather dull female guitar folk session.
After the introduction, Guardian Man looked at me a little oddly and asked what my surname was. He had that look that said "I recognise you, but I can't think where from" - of course, I wasn't about to say that it was from an online dating site! Then, either tiredness, embarassment or nerves kicked in (actually, probably a combination of all three) and I was afflicted with logorrhea [a new word learnt last weekend meaning a pathological inability to stop talking].
My friend mentioned that I was sleeping in her tent tonight and I piped up with a story about the late night films I'd been making with my previous tent-mate who had left that evening. He seemed a little mystified as to why I should be so excited by this and what the point of it was (indeed, many of our friends had exactly the same thoughts). I can't remember what else I managed to come out with, but needless to say, I did not do myself justice - much to my friends' amusement.
And what of Guardian Man himself? Moderately cute, beardy, interesting clothing (though one mustn't judge at festivals, unless it's a very unique form of festival chic - i.e. anything tie-dyed or batikked). and an interesting job. Just a shame that he probably came away wondering who on earth the freak was that his friend introduced him to...
The end of the summer Christian festival is usually good for a bit of speed dating and a lot of the Christian Connection men state that they're fans - in fact Mr Long Replyer and I had a long chat about it on our date. I've dabbled in the speed dating events, but otherwise there aren't a lot of opportunities to get chatting with potentially interesting men. To be honest, a little bit of me regretted not having had the forethought to try and set up some dates in advance.
On the drive down to the fields of green, the driver (another London based Christian singleton) and I were chatting about this story and the fact that it's quite brave to set something like that up - I mean, what if the date was a total disaster and you kept bumping into them throughout the event? [Because of course we all know that it is those we wish to avoid who we bump into at every opportunity.]
Anyway, in my telling of the story I mentioned that this was a guy I'd e-mailed owing to his Guardian connections. Her ears pricked up at this and asked if I knew his name - I did and she laughed - it turned out she knew him (went to the same church). The small, small Christian world strikes again!
This in itself was amusing enough, but on the last night she orchestrated a move that I wouldn't usually consider her capable of. At literally the final event of the entire festival, he appeared - it turned out he was involved behind the scenes. He spotted her, she waved and he came over - so she took the opportunity to introduce us.
I should at this moment mention that it was now 1am on Tuesday morning. I'd been camping since Friday - my last shower had been Friday morning. I was sun and wind burned. My hair had been in a hat for quite a while. I was wearing my 'camping ocassions fleece' (possibly my least attractive item of clothing) and had just had a little nap during a rather dull female guitar folk session.
After the introduction, Guardian Man looked at me a little oddly and asked what my surname was. He had that look that said "I recognise you, but I can't think where from" - of course, I wasn't about to say that it was from an online dating site! Then, either tiredness, embarassment or nerves kicked in (actually, probably a combination of all three) and I was afflicted with logorrhea [a new word learnt last weekend meaning a pathological inability to stop talking].
My friend mentioned that I was sleeping in her tent tonight and I piped up with a story about the late night films I'd been making with my previous tent-mate who had left that evening. He seemed a little mystified as to why I should be so excited by this and what the point of it was (indeed, many of our friends had exactly the same thoughts). I can't remember what else I managed to come out with, but needless to say, I did not do myself justice - much to my friends' amusement.
And what of Guardian Man himself? Moderately cute, beardy, interesting clothing (though one mustn't judge at festivals, unless it's a very unique form of festival chic - i.e. anything tie-dyed or batikked). and an interesting job. Just a shame that he probably came away wondering who on earth the freak was that his friend introduced him to...
Saturday, 21 August 2010
Returning?
The last couple of weeks I've been strangely drawn to Christian Connections again. Last month it underwent a re-design, which has improved it a lot. There was a free trial of the new features which I missed thanks to the previously mentioned Christian gathering in tents, but all of a sudden I had random e-mails telling me that some man had 'waved' at me.
Plus, a colleague at work happened to mention a friend of hers who was doing quite well with the site, in fact, was meeting up with a couple of guys at the next Christian gathering in tents at the end of next week. As she described one of the guys I had a strange sense of deja vu - one happened to work at the Guardian, doing something with their website. Sure enough, it turned out to be the first guy I'd e-mailed on the site, in fact, the guy that pretty much persuaded me to hand over money to join so I could e-mail him. [Incidentally, he never replied - bastard. ;)] In other small world coincidences, it turns out that I have a large number of mutual friends with this girl, so I may have to bump into her some time.
So anyway, revisiting Christian Connections it seems that the questions they ask are better and there are more members - so who knows what might happen? I've also just fired off an e-mail complaint (something about questions that don't match what's on the profile - I can be a pedant at times) and maybe that'll result in some kind of freebie...
My eharmony membership runs out next month and I won't be renewing it, so it's definitely time to try something else - the only question is, do I return to the Christians or head out into the secular world?
Plus, a colleague at work happened to mention a friend of hers who was doing quite well with the site, in fact, was meeting up with a couple of guys at the next Christian gathering in tents at the end of next week. As she described one of the guys I had a strange sense of deja vu - one happened to work at the Guardian, doing something with their website. Sure enough, it turned out to be the first guy I'd e-mailed on the site, in fact, the guy that pretty much persuaded me to hand over money to join so I could e-mail him. [Incidentally, he never replied - bastard. ;)] In other small world coincidences, it turns out that I have a large number of mutual friends with this girl, so I may have to bump into her some time.
So anyway, revisiting Christian Connections it seems that the questions they ask are better and there are more members - so who knows what might happen? I've also just fired off an e-mail complaint (something about questions that don't match what's on the profile - I can be a pedant at times) and maybe that'll result in some kind of freebie...
My eharmony membership runs out next month and I won't be renewing it, so it's definitely time to try something else - the only question is, do I return to the Christians or head out into the secular world?
Friday, 6 August 2010
Christian online dating - in the flesh
Christian festival season has begun. (Actually, I believe it began around Easter...) Last week I subjected myself to a week's camping in Somerset with a few church friends in the name of 'holiday' and spiritual enlightenment.
Large gatherings of Christians are meant to be ideal hunting grounds for potential partners. After all, you're spared the need to filter out the non-Christians and you have ample time to get to know people. I guess this was the reason behind turning one of the socials into a Christian Singles Mingle. [Not the title it was given, incidentally.]
I've not been to one before - though I tried to, the last time one was on at church, but my date stood me up. The idea is that you take a friend of the opposite sex (who you don't want to date, but think others might) along with you and spend the evening mingling with other like-minded single Christians. I can see this working fairly well in my usual London context. Recreated in a marquee in Shepton Mallet seemed to work less well...
Early on in the week, I'd ascertained that I wouldn't be working that particular night [my free ticket to the event was courtesy of being a barista for 7 days) and so had given some thought as to who I'd take with me. Few people came to mind but I thought that perhaps some of my new-found coffee friends might be up for it. Turning up for my early evening shift I discovered that indeed, a few were interested - but mostly at the instigation of my older, female tent-mate.
The level of interest appeared to be veiling a slight whiff of desperation. When the social kicked off a couple of hours later, the atmosphere in the bar was one of heightened anticipation. By this point I'd decided I was better off out of it (choosing instead to spend my night off drinking gin) and sat watching the minglers get down to it.
Before they were directed to an area of the tent far away from the bar, one man approached me to ask if I was participating. I replied in the negative and when asked why simply said that it was my first night off all week and I was rather tired. It struck me that he was asking for one of two possible reasons:
(i) He needed a woman with him in order to gain entry.
(ii) He thought I looked interesting and therefore hoped that he'd have opportunity for a conversation later.
Either way, I wasn't particularly interested. The thought then struck me that looking around, it was effectively the people of Christian Connection in the flesh.
By the end of the evening I had decided that there was no way I was that desperate, and helpfully, new-found friends informed me that I didn't need to be that desperate. Even turning 29 at the end of the week didn't plunge me into a black-hole of singleness depression. Playing this game light-heartedly is definitely the way forward.
Next on the agenda? Speed dating at summer's second Christian festival opportunity. Fun times.
Large gatherings of Christians are meant to be ideal hunting grounds for potential partners. After all, you're spared the need to filter out the non-Christians and you have ample time to get to know people. I guess this was the reason behind turning one of the socials into a Christian Singles Mingle. [Not the title it was given, incidentally.]
I've not been to one before - though I tried to, the last time one was on at church, but my date stood me up. The idea is that you take a friend of the opposite sex (who you don't want to date, but think others might) along with you and spend the evening mingling with other like-minded single Christians. I can see this working fairly well in my usual London context. Recreated in a marquee in Shepton Mallet seemed to work less well...
Early on in the week, I'd ascertained that I wouldn't be working that particular night [my free ticket to the event was courtesy of being a barista for 7 days) and so had given some thought as to who I'd take with me. Few people came to mind but I thought that perhaps some of my new-found coffee friends might be up for it. Turning up for my early evening shift I discovered that indeed, a few were interested - but mostly at the instigation of my older, female tent-mate.
The level of interest appeared to be veiling a slight whiff of desperation. When the social kicked off a couple of hours later, the atmosphere in the bar was one of heightened anticipation. By this point I'd decided I was better off out of it (choosing instead to spend my night off drinking gin) and sat watching the minglers get down to it.
Before they were directed to an area of the tent far away from the bar, one man approached me to ask if I was participating. I replied in the negative and when asked why simply said that it was my first night off all week and I was rather tired. It struck me that he was asking for one of two possible reasons:
(i) He needed a woman with him in order to gain entry.
(ii) He thought I looked interesting and therefore hoped that he'd have opportunity for a conversation later.
Either way, I wasn't particularly interested. The thought then struck me that looking around, it was effectively the people of Christian Connection in the flesh.
By the end of the evening I had decided that there was no way I was that desperate, and helpfully, new-found friends informed me that I didn't need to be that desperate. Even turning 29 at the end of the week didn't plunge me into a black-hole of singleness depression. Playing this game light-heartedly is definitely the way forward.
Next on the agenda? Speed dating at summer's second Christian festival opportunity. Fun times.
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
Not at all harmonious
Just in case you were wondering whether my silence meant that my online dating quest had come to fruition (or I no longer needed to hunt virtually) I can confirm that it hasn't, and I haven't. Life has been busy and, to be honest, I stopped getting a flicker of excitement when eHarmony emailed to announce a new match.
The problem, I've discovered, with eHarmony is that because it tells you who you've matched with it's something of a waiting a game. If you don't fancy any of your current matches there's nothing you can do except wait for another to turn up.
Mr Beautiful Eyes didn't respond after I answered his paragraph questions. Perhaps I gave the wrong reasons for joining the site or maybe he wasn't so interested in the interest I suggested me and my partner could share. (I can't even remember what I suggested, but I think it's a dumb question!)
But, I have a new dilemma. I got an email via the Guardian the other date and it was both funny and from someone half-way decent. Thing is, I can't reply without full membership and I'm not sure I can paying for the sake of one email!
It's also possible that I'm only drawn to him because he recognised my country of birth. One of the weirder aspects of Guardian Soulmates is that it asks you where you were born and then lists it - I don't 'come from' there, it was quite literally an accident of birth (though one that I'm quite proud of). So for someone to have noticed it, known where it is and have been there is altogether quite impressive. Thing is, his opener was "Wow - you're from xxxxxx!" and of course, I don't - I'm utterly British. Oh well, I guess I can clear up that misunderstanding should we ever get to communicate properly.
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