Continuing lessons

It's amazing the difference a year or two makes in this whole area. This time round, I am taking things both less and more seriously. Less in that I don't mind if people ignore me; more in that I have a strategy and I'm making myself do things that I might not have usually done.

The strategy works like this:

• I 'wave' at any one who looks interesting and who I'd be happy to have coffee with.
• If they wave back, I automatically send them a message.
• If they're not a full member, I send them a message including an alternate email address I've set up expressly for this purpose (see, taking it seriously!).
• If they don't wave back and I'm really interested, I message them anyway. 

So far it's having mixed results, but that's ok. Mr Coward hasn't replied to the message I sent him last week - one of his suggested I contact him via Facebook, but I'm not willing to expose that much about myself so early on. Someone I'm very keen on hadn't replied to my wave, but had looked at my profile a couple of times, so I sent them a message last night - we'll see what happens next. Someone else immediately responded to my wave with a message that was rather lovely, and someone else has emailed me at my alternate address. I think that's good going for 7 days...

About the alternate address...

This is a fabulous idea. I'm not too keen (given my slightly unusual surname) to get my full name out there immediately, or to give people something that easily leads them to my Facebook account or Google profile. So instead, I've created a Gmail address that includes my account username which autoforwards all mail to my regular account. From there, I can choose whether I send mail as me, or the alternate. Simples. 

In the mean time, I've learnt several things:

• Including a photo of yourself with a Bishop is a surprisingly good tactic. (Colleague did this first - I laughed, she informed me that she'd had an email thanks to it.) I've now had one email appreciating mine. Wow. 
• Man + baby + profile photo = swoon. 
• I'm pretty sure I'm not up for dating a guy who'd respect my purity to the extent of not kissing me till our wedding day.
• I'm also not up for a man whose response to the TV section of the profile is 'TV: full of sin'. 
• A surprising number of men feel it's appropriate to include photos of their dogs (just their dogs) on their profile. One man - the sinful TV guy - included a photo of his church building.
• There are a lot of strange guys out there, but there are some gems too. 

How rude!

Today I received a 'nudge' via eHarmony. Apparently one of the men who'd initiated communication with me last week (who I'd responded to over their bank holiday weekend of free communication) was getting impatient that I'd not taken the next step and was reminding me that he existed...

A nudge is something I'd associate with a friendly game - the kind of thing one sends when you've got a really good rack of letters in an online scrabble game and want your opponent to make their move so that you can play yours and gloat. I'm well-aware of who I'm currently communicating with online (they handily give me a whole communicating tab on my matches for this purpose!) and I'm taking my time, thank-you very much.

Reappraising myself with his profile I remembered that this is Mr Scuba Diver. Someone who mentions spending time under-water in 5 separate sections of their profile (especially one that's partially computer generated) may not be suited to love on dry land.

This also leads me to a recent wondering: have I over-emphasised my liking of physical fitness in setting up my profile? Almost every guy I've been matched with is incredibly sporty - as in, into multiple sports on a very committed level. I know my gym visits are important to me and yes, I object to things that clash with my Monday evening pilates class, but have they misinterpreted this enthusiasm for genuine talent? It's like my year 10 Morrisby profile all over again - where ticking yes to the question "would you like to be a sports star" resulted in PE teacher being suggested as a career option. There's a big difference between sitting on the sofa watching Wimbledon, imagining winning the final and actually being good at sport!

A sucker for a special offer

Last night I was seriously toying with the notion of actually paying for eHarmony. I reached the credit card stage a couple of times and then retreated. I'm glad I did - today I got an e-mail offering me 3 months for the price of 1 which is a veritable bargain in any (paid for) online dating situation. And thus, month two is kicking off with a farewell to Christian Connections and hello the eerily computerised world of eHarmony.

Some things remain the same...amongst my current matches I've spotted one guy that was also on Christian Connections. Spooky.

So, now that I have full rights, I've been making the most of it and firing off 'communications' left, right and centre. Whilst the computerisation might feel impersonal, it's actually way easier to express interest in people. No awkward first e-mails - simply a 'guided communication' consisting of 5 questions.

Yes, the questions are a little inane and multiple choice, but do you know what? It requires little thought and helps with the filtering process. I've already excluded one guy on the basis that he thought a steak house was a suitable location for a meal out...

My other discovery relates to a previous post. You know I said women shouldn't post photos of them with children? Well men totally should! I spotted one guy who looked promising (he's into publishing and is currently writing a musical) and then found a photo of him with a baby - I practically swooned. [And if anyone is reading that description and thinking: "Erm, writing a musical? Are you sure you're the right gender for him?", fear not, I have highly advanced gaydar...

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I'm dropping Mr Long Replyer. It feels mean, but my heart's not in it, so that's final. I really just need to remember to e-mail him before my subscription runs out.

Love via personality quiz

I finally replied to Mr Long Replyer last night offering many (lame) apologies and a tentative 'yes' to a second meeting - we'll see whether he picks up any of my not sure vibes and responds. As a bit of a cop-out I threw in the fact that I'm away for the next two weekends - totally true - but sounds like a cop-out.

Generally I'm feeling disillusioned with the Christian site. Not enough men who seem interesting, or rather, not enough who will actually reply to my tentative introductory e-mails! One of the things I've realised is that while I want a good Christian man, I also want someone with 'edge' - an interesting dimension, something that I connect with. It's hard define but easy to spot its absence! In fact, as if to emphasise Friday's lack of edge, on Saturday I ran into a previous dalliance who has edge aplenty but is a definite no (on so, so many levels) but it seemed as though the timing and manner of our encounter were judged perfectly so that I'd be even less inclined towards Mr Long Replyer.

So, I've cancelled my continuous membership and am looking elsewhere...

First stop is eHarmony, of smiling couples on tube adverts fame. I'd be sceptical about its claims (over 200 American marriages every minute) if it weren't for the fact that a dear friend (incredibly attractive and lovely friend) in DC met her current boyfriend through it and is blissfully happy. True, Girl Glory hasn't been having such a fun time, but a chance conversation with new church friend on Sunday was also encouraging. She'd recently broken up with someone from the site - hang on, writing it down that doesn't sound quite so encouraging! But she said it was much better than other sites she'd tried.

True, the endless questions that form your profile are a trial, but in some ways a little revealing. The tiny opportunities it gives you to show your true colours need to be maximised. In my case, this means including pilates, cupcakes & living in London on my list of 5 things I'm thankful for. (If you're wondering about the other two, that would be my faith and friends & family - see totally normal things too!)

I like the fact that you don't have to hunt through profiles, simply being sent several matches a day. My first batch of five were pretty good and a further two guys have been in touch already (since lunch time). I've just got to decide whether to take the plunge and hand over cash. My Christian site membership expires in just over a week, so then I decide whether to pay for eHarmony or Soulmates...choices, choices.

Things you don't need to read

I am fascinated by the approach some men take to their profile composition.

Recently I came across a guy who's profile was hilarious - literally one comedy remark after another - nothing was taken seriously. Yes, his comments about tea amused me. Particularly:
"Why do we add extra letters onto the end of the word "tea" when just the first letter would create exactly the same sound? Is this the only instance of a silent "ea" in the English language?"

However, not being serious about anything at all in fact had me wondering whether he was a deranged psychopath to be avoided at all costs. 

Or what about the guys who manage to alternate between saying things that you love: "I'm looking for a girl who likes to be a bit girly and enjoys hugs, I like hugging"; and things that make you run to the hills: "I think women should fulfil their traditional role in the home"?

And then there's the "I've decided it's time I found a wife" men. I'm very glad that they've made such an important decision in their life and are being intentional about it, but really, on a dating site a woman's going to want a little more info on a potential husband other than that he reckons he's ready to settle down. After all, if my profile simply contained the phrase: "I've decided it's time I got married and I believe God has promised me a good husband" then I believe most men wouldn't give me a second look! 

Oh, and my personal favourite gem from a profile: "I'd like to live in a yurt in the country at some point" I'm still trying to compose an e-mail to that guy at the moment, maybe I should open with "I've always wanted to live in a yurt..."

Dropping lines

Toes have been dipped in the online dating pool...

My first experiment is with Christian dating - figured that would be the safest place to begin. My previous experiments in this world were all on free sites. I acquired one date (perfectly nice, included some opera, but I didn't fancy him), a lot of weirdos and one incredibly comedy situation resulting from Christian small-world-ness. But I have a theory that if you actually pay for one of these sites you'll have more invested in it and thus will find a better class of man.

So, I've handed over money to a site that last year spawned two marriages in my church alone. A trial membership showed up a few possibilities (including one guy from church - intriguing) and I'm now giving it a month to see what happens.

Two e-mails have been sent to viable possibilities.
Two e-mails have been received from distinct non-possibilities.
One profile has been spotted that's looking for a woman with 'classic Biblical femininity'. I can't even begin to know where to begin with that one...

My only nagging concern is that all I'm looking for is a replica of Good Male Friend who is almost perfect in many ways, except that he doesn't want us to be more than friends. Hmmmmm. At least I'm moving on in a practical way!