Continuing lessons

It's amazing the difference a year or two makes in this whole area. This time round, I am taking things both less and more seriously. Less in that I don't mind if people ignore me; more in that I have a strategy and I'm making myself do things that I might not have usually done.

The strategy works like this:

• I 'wave' at any one who looks interesting and who I'd be happy to have coffee with.
• If they wave back, I automatically send them a message.
• If they're not a full member, I send them a message including an alternate email address I've set up expressly for this purpose (see, taking it seriously!).
• If they don't wave back and I'm really interested, I message them anyway. 

So far it's having mixed results, but that's ok. Mr Coward hasn't replied to the message I sent him last week - one of his suggested I contact him via Facebook, but I'm not willing to expose that much about myself so early on. Someone I'm very keen on hadn't replied to my wave, but had looked at my profile a couple of times, so I sent them a message last night - we'll see what happens next. Someone else immediately responded to my wave with a message that was rather lovely, and someone else has emailed me at my alternate address. I think that's good going for 7 days...

About the alternate address...

This is a fabulous idea. I'm not too keen (given my slightly unusual surname) to get my full name out there immediately, or to give people something that easily leads them to my Facebook account or Google profile. So instead, I've created a Gmail address that includes my account username which autoforwards all mail to my regular account. From there, I can choose whether I send mail as me, or the alternate. Simples. 

In the mean time, I've learnt several things:

• Including a photo of yourself with a Bishop is a surprisingly good tactic. (Colleague did this first - I laughed, she informed me that she'd had an email thanks to it.) I've now had one email appreciating mine. Wow. 
• Man + baby + profile photo = swoon. 
• I'm pretty sure I'm not up for dating a guy who'd respect my purity to the extent of not kissing me till our wedding day.
• I'm also not up for a man whose response to the TV section of the profile is 'TV: full of sin'. 
• A surprising number of men feel it's appropriate to include photos of their dogs (just their dogs) on their profile. One man - the sinful TV guy - included a photo of his church building.
• There are a lot of strange guys out there, but there are some gems too. 

A sucker for a special offer

Last night I was seriously toying with the notion of actually paying for eHarmony. I reached the credit card stage a couple of times and then retreated. I'm glad I did - today I got an e-mail offering me 3 months for the price of 1 which is a veritable bargain in any (paid for) online dating situation. And thus, month two is kicking off with a farewell to Christian Connections and hello the eerily computerised world of eHarmony.

Some things remain the same...amongst my current matches I've spotted one guy that was also on Christian Connections. Spooky.

So, now that I have full rights, I've been making the most of it and firing off 'communications' left, right and centre. Whilst the computerisation might feel impersonal, it's actually way easier to express interest in people. No awkward first e-mails - simply a 'guided communication' consisting of 5 questions.

Yes, the questions are a little inane and multiple choice, but do you know what? It requires little thought and helps with the filtering process. I've already excluded one guy on the basis that he thought a steak house was a suitable location for a meal out...

My other discovery relates to a previous post. You know I said women shouldn't post photos of them with children? Well men totally should! I spotted one guy who looked promising (he's into publishing and is currently writing a musical) and then found a photo of him with a baby - I practically swooned. [And if anyone is reading that description and thinking: "Erm, writing a musical? Are you sure you're the right gender for him?", fear not, I have highly advanced gaydar...

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I'm dropping Mr Long Replyer. It feels mean, but my heart's not in it, so that's final. I really just need to remember to e-mail him before my subscription runs out.

Judgy Judgerson

There is nothing like online dating to reveal to yourself just how judging you are of others - and how, deep down, you're actually phenomenally shallow.

I'll only look at men who've bothered posting pictures. Within those, I'll only actually read the profiles of guys I find moderately attractive. Is this bad?

Actually, to make myself sound less bad, years ago when I dabbled in a free dating site, I went on a date with a guy whose photo I'd never seen. It was fine - he was perfectly nice, gentlemanly (took me to the opera) and not unattractive - but I didn't fancy him.

Oh, and I have the audacity to judge people on their names, despite the fact that no one can really do anything about what their parents name them! 'Glen'? Oh dear... [Although it's even worse when an anorak is included in the profile photo.]

And as for my photo? Oh, soooooo much thought had to go into that one! Thank goodness it gives you the opportunity to include three - allows you space for something showing your hair colour as well as a moody black and white shot.

You do need to think carefully about what your photo says about you:
Smiles - always good, as long as you don't look possessed.
Children - not good, tends to give the wrong impression. [As does that pic of you being a bridesmaid for the umpteenth time.]
Hair - choose photos that reflect your hairstyle of choice. If you flit between curly and straight include both so that potential suitors are aware of what you might look like should you meet.
Comedy - not good for your main photo, but excellent as an alternative. A friend joined the Christian site at the same time as me and included a picture of her rope swinging, which has already proved to be an excellent opener in e-mails from interested guys.

It's making me wonder if perhaps the Christian site is a little limited for my clearly judging nature. Can I really afford to be so picky?