There's nothing like an online dating success story to prompt you to try something new. Last week, a newly loved up (sickeningly loved up) friend ended a conversation with "seriously, just join Ok Cupid - it's amazing".
Always one to take relationship advice, I spent an evening signing up in solidarity with a fellow online dating explorer. Within minutes, we both had messages (and something mysteriously named 'quivers' which sounds a heck of a lot more interesting than it actually seems to be). Days later, I've received 19 messages, only a few of which were of the "let's chat" variety - though several more were strewn with spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. (Yes, I am that much of a pedant when it comes to men I'll consider dating.)
The real surprise is just how genuinely nice many of these messages are. I know they're aiming to impress (presumably), but to have several guys telling me how beautiful they think I am; or asking how I could possibly still be single; or even insisting that I must be out of their league, is really quite confidence inspiring.
Musing over my received messages with yet another fellow online dater (it's a veritable epidemic, seriously), I was told off for lacking in such self-confidence and insisting that they must simply be trying to get me into bed. Apparently, I should forget the men (well, man) who said I was unattractive and believe the people who insist that I am hot - good advice I feel.
However, despite the confidence boosting, I'm not entirely sure that OK Cupid is where I'm destined to find true love...
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Tuesday, 17 July 2012
Wednesday, 1 February 2012
A simple way to make online dating fun...
...do it with a friend.
Specifically, a friend who will giggle with you about it and send you amusing/interesting profiles to read, while also on the same journey as you.
Colleague has become a highly entertaining feature of my latest foray into Christian Connection. In fact, I have more CC mailbox messages from her than anyone else - last night I got super excited that I had new mail, then I discovered it was from her. Plus, it's also good to have a banter partner ready to bounce ideas off. I've just engaged her in a brief email discussion regarding the pros and cons of first email jokes. Very useful.
It's also very good at helping you not take the whole thing too seriously. Online dating has to be held onto lightly, else you risk being offended every time a guy doesn't respond to a wave or message, or looks at your profile and does nothing more. They reassure you that you come across well in your profile; that you've chosen the right photo(s); that the glasses on that guy are cute; and join with you in swooning when a cute-ish guy includes a baby in their profile photo.
So, if you're doing this alone, come out into the open and find yourself a wingman or wingwoman - you won't regret it!
Specifically, a friend who will giggle with you about it and send you amusing/interesting profiles to read, while also on the same journey as you.
Colleague has become a highly entertaining feature of my latest foray into Christian Connection. In fact, I have more CC mailbox messages from her than anyone else - last night I got super excited that I had new mail, then I discovered it was from her. Plus, it's also good to have a banter partner ready to bounce ideas off. I've just engaged her in a brief email discussion regarding the pros and cons of first email jokes. Very useful.
It's also very good at helping you not take the whole thing too seriously. Online dating has to be held onto lightly, else you risk being offended every time a guy doesn't respond to a wave or message, or looks at your profile and does nothing more. They reassure you that you come across well in your profile; that you've chosen the right photo(s); that the glasses on that guy are cute; and join with you in swooning when a cute-ish guy includes a baby in their profile photo.
So, if you're doing this alone, come out into the open and find yourself a wingman or wingwoman - you won't regret it!
Saturday, 2 April 2011
Bad dates
How I love stories of dire dates...
Tonight an old friend told me of two classics. The first was a fresh (very fresh) example - from today, in fact. She was late to our dinner with a mutual friend because she'd been with a friend in a cafe when their laptop was stolen earlier in the afternoon. Once she arrived, it emerged that this hadn't simply been coffee with a friend, it was actually a first date. How awful! She felt really bad, not least because not only had he lost his laptop, but she also didn't think she liked him more than a friend.
Later, we shared further dating stories, while our mutual friend (married for over four years) sat back and thanked her lucky stars that she was no longer on the dating scene. The worst story went something like this:
Friend of the laptop theft had been set up by her parents (yes, her parents - for the first and last time) and from the moment she met the guy it wasn't likely to go well as he was significantly (i.e. more than a foot) shorter than her. She persisted for her parents' sake and rejected his dinner suggestion in favour of coffee. In the cafe, he ordered and didn't bother asking her if she wanted anything (even the waitress was surprised), so she bought her own drink. [Btw, we don't have issues with paying our own way on dates, but it's just coffee - surely it's mean not to even offer?] Then, the opening question from him was: "so, you googled me, right?".
No, no she hadn't. The thought hadn't even crossed her mind. I mean, I'd do if I knew the full name of the person in advance (which isn't often the case with online dating or when I matchmaked by The Matchmaker), but I wouldn't tell them I'd done it! It turns out that she's not particularly tech-savvy, so I'm going to have to give her a lesson on the importance of googling oneself at regular intervals, but needless to say this topic of conversation freaked her out a bit. The date didn't last much long than a very quick caffeine injection and her parents probably won't ever be able to set her up with someone again.
Tonight an old friend told me of two classics. The first was a fresh (very fresh) example - from today, in fact. She was late to our dinner with a mutual friend because she'd been with a friend in a cafe when their laptop was stolen earlier in the afternoon. Once she arrived, it emerged that this hadn't simply been coffee with a friend, it was actually a first date. How awful! She felt really bad, not least because not only had he lost his laptop, but she also didn't think she liked him more than a friend.
Later, we shared further dating stories, while our mutual friend (married for over four years) sat back and thanked her lucky stars that she was no longer on the dating scene. The worst story went something like this:
Friend of the laptop theft had been set up by her parents (yes, her parents - for the first and last time) and from the moment she met the guy it wasn't likely to go well as he was significantly (i.e. more than a foot) shorter than her. She persisted for her parents' sake and rejected his dinner suggestion in favour of coffee. In the cafe, he ordered and didn't bother asking her if she wanted anything (even the waitress was surprised), so she bought her own drink. [Btw, we don't have issues with paying our own way on dates, but it's just coffee - surely it's mean not to even offer?] Then, the opening question from him was: "so, you googled me, right?".
No, no she hadn't. The thought hadn't even crossed her mind. I mean, I'd do if I knew the full name of the person in advance (which isn't often the case with online dating or when I matchmaked by The Matchmaker), but I wouldn't tell them I'd done it! It turns out that she's not particularly tech-savvy, so I'm going to have to give her a lesson on the importance of googling oneself at regular intervals, but needless to say this topic of conversation freaked her out a bit. The date didn't last much long than a very quick caffeine injection and her parents probably won't ever be able to set her up with someone again.
Friday, 4 February 2011
New York style dating
This afternoon, I was unusually referred to as Carrie Bradshaw several times during one coffee date (I use date in the context of two friends meeting for a hot beverage at a scheduled time). This friend - lets call her Singer Friend - and I meet regularly for coffee and she is a seasoned listener to my men woes. This friend is also something of a matchmaker and had alerted me a couple of weeks ago that after a dry patch, she was ready to get going again and had me firmly on her list of potentials...
For 2011 she's decided to encourage 'New York style dating' amongst her friends and acquaintances - dates that don't necessarily mean either party is massively interested, but that are a way of getting to know people. Thus, she is in the process of setting up several couples on blind dates (I am the fourth this week) with no strings attached. She compared it to Sex and the City (though insisting that as we're good Christians there'll be no sex) and likened me to Carrie. Honestly, Carrie and I don't have much in common - except for blonde, sporadically wild hair; something of a shoe interest; and a passion for writing - so this was really quite a compliment.
Singer Friend is so into this that I joked that she was like Sally's friend in When Harry Met Sally who had a rolladex containing possible men - her response was that as she'd walked through the bookstore in which we were drinking she'd browsed the nice notebook section with a view to using one for such a purpose.
Anyway, the upshot of this is that I have a date - next week in fact. Exact date is to be negotiated via Singer Friend, but it's very much on the cards. I have his name, but he doesn't know mine (she thinks that women prefer to have at least a little bit of info to go on), I've also sworn not to look him up on Facebook. I recognised the name (it's a guy from church) but though I can't recall what he looks like, have a vague recollection that I've seen photos of him & been vaguely intrigued. But it's just one date and already she's planning more...
I just hope that it's more successful than the last time she tried to matchmake me. She'd mentioned a guy who'd met me at her engagement party and circumstances meant that she didn't have chance to organise a date before her wedding. So what did she do instead? Seat us together at the reception, of course! On a table with no one I knew - without any of my many friends who were present - I was stuck next to a guy with an unfortunate first name who's most interesting topic of conversation was a recent translation of the Bible from Hebrew into Spanish. We had nothing in common and I spent a lot of the reception trying to escape him (while one dear, dear friend sniggered from a neighbouring table). Since then she's apologised profusely and now I'm ready to trust her judgement. Let's see what happens.
For 2011 she's decided to encourage 'New York style dating' amongst her friends and acquaintances - dates that don't necessarily mean either party is massively interested, but that are a way of getting to know people. Thus, she is in the process of setting up several couples on blind dates (I am the fourth this week) with no strings attached. She compared it to Sex and the City (though insisting that as we're good Christians there'll be no sex) and likened me to Carrie. Honestly, Carrie and I don't have much in common - except for blonde, sporadically wild hair; something of a shoe interest; and a passion for writing - so this was really quite a compliment.
Singer Friend is so into this that I joked that she was like Sally's friend in When Harry Met Sally who had a rolladex containing possible men - her response was that as she'd walked through the bookstore in which we were drinking she'd browsed the nice notebook section with a view to using one for such a purpose.
Anyway, the upshot of this is that I have a date - next week in fact. Exact date is to be negotiated via Singer Friend, but it's very much on the cards. I have his name, but he doesn't know mine (she thinks that women prefer to have at least a little bit of info to go on), I've also sworn not to look him up on Facebook. I recognised the name (it's a guy from church) but though I can't recall what he looks like, have a vague recollection that I've seen photos of him & been vaguely intrigued. But it's just one date and already she's planning more...
I just hope that it's more successful than the last time she tried to matchmake me. She'd mentioned a guy who'd met me at her engagement party and circumstances meant that she didn't have chance to organise a date before her wedding. So what did she do instead? Seat us together at the reception, of course! On a table with no one I knew - without any of my many friends who were present - I was stuck next to a guy with an unfortunate first name who's most interesting topic of conversation was a recent translation of the Bible from Hebrew into Spanish. We had nothing in common and I spent a lot of the reception trying to escape him (while one dear, dear friend sniggered from a neighbouring table). Since then she's apologised profusely and now I'm ready to trust her judgement. Let's see what happens.
Wednesday, 1 September 2010
It's a small, small world after all...
My last post mentioned Guardian Man - he was the man that prompted me to shell out actual money to join Christian Connection - ticked a lot of my boxes - but sadly, never replied to my initial e-mail. (Was it because I mentioned my dislike of the Guardian website's re-design? Quite possibly.) My colleague's friend was using the next Christian festival as an opportunity to meet up with him.
The end of the summer Christian festival is usually good for a bit of speed dating and a lot of the Christian Connection men state that they're fans - in fact Mr Long Replyer and I had a long chat about it on our date. I've dabbled in the speed dating events, but otherwise there aren't a lot of opportunities to get chatting with potentially interesting men. To be honest, a little bit of me regretted not having had the forethought to try and set up some dates in advance.
On the drive down to the fields of green, the driver (another London based Christian singleton) and I were chatting about this story and the fact that it's quite brave to set something like that up - I mean, what if the date was a total disaster and you kept bumping into them throughout the event? [Because of course we all know that it is those we wish to avoid who we bump into at every opportunity.]
Anyway, in my telling of the story I mentioned that this was a guy I'd e-mailed owing to his Guardian connections. Her ears pricked up at this and asked if I knew his name - I did and she laughed - it turned out she knew him (went to the same church). The small, small Christian world strikes again!
This in itself was amusing enough, but on the last night she orchestrated a move that I wouldn't usually consider her capable of. At literally the final event of the entire festival, he appeared - it turned out he was involved behind the scenes. He spotted her, she waved and he came over - so she took the opportunity to introduce us.
I should at this moment mention that it was now 1am on Tuesday morning. I'd been camping since Friday - my last shower had been Friday morning. I was sun and wind burned. My hair had been in a hat for quite a while. I was wearing my 'camping ocassions fleece' (possibly my least attractive item of clothing) and had just had a little nap during a rather dull female guitar folk session.
After the introduction, Guardian Man looked at me a little oddly and asked what my surname was. He had that look that said "I recognise you, but I can't think where from" - of course, I wasn't about to say that it was from an online dating site! Then, either tiredness, embarassment or nerves kicked in (actually, probably a combination of all three) and I was afflicted with logorrhea [a new word learnt last weekend meaning a pathological inability to stop talking].
My friend mentioned that I was sleeping in her tent tonight and I piped up with a story about the late night films I'd been making with my previous tent-mate who had left that evening. He seemed a little mystified as to why I should be so excited by this and what the point of it was (indeed, many of our friends had exactly the same thoughts). I can't remember what else I managed to come out with, but needless to say, I did not do myself justice - much to my friends' amusement.
And what of Guardian Man himself? Moderately cute, beardy, interesting clothing (though one mustn't judge at festivals, unless it's a very unique form of festival chic - i.e. anything tie-dyed or batikked). and an interesting job. Just a shame that he probably came away wondering who on earth the freak was that his friend introduced him to...
The end of the summer Christian festival is usually good for a bit of speed dating and a lot of the Christian Connection men state that they're fans - in fact Mr Long Replyer and I had a long chat about it on our date. I've dabbled in the speed dating events, but otherwise there aren't a lot of opportunities to get chatting with potentially interesting men. To be honest, a little bit of me regretted not having had the forethought to try and set up some dates in advance.
On the drive down to the fields of green, the driver (another London based Christian singleton) and I were chatting about this story and the fact that it's quite brave to set something like that up - I mean, what if the date was a total disaster and you kept bumping into them throughout the event? [Because of course we all know that it is those we wish to avoid who we bump into at every opportunity.]
Anyway, in my telling of the story I mentioned that this was a guy I'd e-mailed owing to his Guardian connections. Her ears pricked up at this and asked if I knew his name - I did and she laughed - it turned out she knew him (went to the same church). The small, small Christian world strikes again!
This in itself was amusing enough, but on the last night she orchestrated a move that I wouldn't usually consider her capable of. At literally the final event of the entire festival, he appeared - it turned out he was involved behind the scenes. He spotted her, she waved and he came over - so she took the opportunity to introduce us.
I should at this moment mention that it was now 1am on Tuesday morning. I'd been camping since Friday - my last shower had been Friday morning. I was sun and wind burned. My hair had been in a hat for quite a while. I was wearing my 'camping ocassions fleece' (possibly my least attractive item of clothing) and had just had a little nap during a rather dull female guitar folk session.
After the introduction, Guardian Man looked at me a little oddly and asked what my surname was. He had that look that said "I recognise you, but I can't think where from" - of course, I wasn't about to say that it was from an online dating site! Then, either tiredness, embarassment or nerves kicked in (actually, probably a combination of all three) and I was afflicted with logorrhea [a new word learnt last weekend meaning a pathological inability to stop talking].
My friend mentioned that I was sleeping in her tent tonight and I piped up with a story about the late night films I'd been making with my previous tent-mate who had left that evening. He seemed a little mystified as to why I should be so excited by this and what the point of it was (indeed, many of our friends had exactly the same thoughts). I can't remember what else I managed to come out with, but needless to say, I did not do myself justice - much to my friends' amusement.
And what of Guardian Man himself? Moderately cute, beardy, interesting clothing (though one mustn't judge at festivals, unless it's a very unique form of festival chic - i.e. anything tie-dyed or batikked). and an interesting job. Just a shame that he probably came away wondering who on earth the freak was that his friend introduced him to...
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