...otherwise one day, karma will jump up and bite you on the ass.
Life is far too busy for online dating at the moment. Given as I average one free evening a week at the moment (and need that to do laundry) I have little time for seeing the people I like to see on a regular basis, let alone anyone new. [Having said that, I would of course drop all plans should certain men suddenly become desperate to spend time with me.]
That's not to say that there are no stories to tell. As with many of the stories I seem to share here, it's one of living in a very small world and, in this specific case, bad karma.
Yesterday, I saw Good Male Friend while he was working at a decidedly chilly Christmas market with a colleague of mine (well, we do the same job but with different organisations) and someone I'd not met before, but had heard a lot about. GMF and I don't have many mutual friends, but our social circles often collide in exceedingly random and coincidental ways. I was therefore not surprised when he said "I met someone you know at Thanksgiving dinner yesterday..." What I wasn't expecting was the response I got to my question of who it was. Apparently I "went on a blind date with him in the summer and never called him back - he seemed rather miffed about it".
Oh yes, GMF had met Mr Long Replyer. (Why I didn't respond in the end is chronicled here and here.) Oh good God, how does this stuff happen to me?!
It was, of course, owing to my unfortunately unusual surname. Apparently I'd come up in conversation (I knew a few people at the meal) and as soon as my surname was mentioned, Mr Long Replyer made the connection. How I cringed! Not least because it means that there's a possibility I may run into him again in the future - eeek.
I tried to explain to GMF and colleague why I'd not replied in the end - without making him sound bad. GMF insisted that it probably wasn't such a big deal and it was just one of those things. Colleague pointed out that they'd agreed at the meal not to mention it to me, but GMF couldn't resist.
This leads me into an interesting position, in a variety of ways:
(i) GMF had no idea I was dipping my toe into the dating scene and seemed somewhat surprised that I'd not told him about it or this date. [To be fair, not only was it a month after he told me he wasn't interested, he was also in America.]
(ii) GMF now knows that this blog exists and what its about - yet is disappointed that I won't give him the link. Hmph.
(iii) One of the negatives of Mr LR was that he was very like GMF, yet wasn't GMF - I wonder if GMF spotted this?
(iv) What if I meet Mr LR again? That will be quite, quite embarrassing.
In the mean time, I will simply hang my head in embarrassment and shame and pray for forgiveness. Never again will I not reply to someone's heartfelt missive. I am a bad, bad woman.
Tuesday, 30 November 2010
Saturday, 16 October 2010
The danger of complaining
Over the summer, the Christian dating site re-launched itself and as a result all members got full access for a trial period. Unfortunately, this coincided with my holiday away with several thousand Christians, so I missed out.
A few weeks later I spotted a couple of glitches with the new set-up (it was around the time I was considering returning to it as a fully paid-up member) so e-mailed to let them know. At the same time I threw in a minor complaint that I'd missed out on the free trial, kind of hoping to be given another.
I was, though sadly this trial clashed with Christian festival weekend, so again I couldn't use it. Once home, I considered e-mailing again and opened up the message I'd been sent. That was when I realised that it had been written by someone I know. Someone whose husband is in the same kids church team as me, who I was next to during the service a couple of weeks ago...
Yes, I was vaguely aware that she worked for this site, but I didn't really know what she did! Does she know it was actually me? Probably? Am I embarrassed? Yes.
I shouldn't be embarrassed, it's just a dating site, but still. Stupid small world.
An update:
I haven't re-joined the Christian site properly, but I have cancelled my eHarmony subscription. Actually, I've not been thinking about online dating much because, well because an idiot boy's being an idiot. I should probably stop letting that be a distraction and jump back into the game in time for the nights drawing in.
Wednesday, 1 September 2010
It's a small, small world after all...
My last post mentioned Guardian Man - he was the man that prompted me to shell out actual money to join Christian Connection - ticked a lot of my boxes - but sadly, never replied to my initial e-mail. (Was it because I mentioned my dislike of the Guardian website's re-design? Quite possibly.) My colleague's friend was using the next Christian festival as an opportunity to meet up with him.
The end of the summer Christian festival is usually good for a bit of speed dating and a lot of the Christian Connection men state that they're fans - in fact Mr Long Replyer and I had a long chat about it on our date. I've dabbled in the speed dating events, but otherwise there aren't a lot of opportunities to get chatting with potentially interesting men. To be honest, a little bit of me regretted not having had the forethought to try and set up some dates in advance.
On the drive down to the fields of green, the driver (another London based Christian singleton) and I were chatting about this story and the fact that it's quite brave to set something like that up - I mean, what if the date was a total disaster and you kept bumping into them throughout the event? [Because of course we all know that it is those we wish to avoid who we bump into at every opportunity.]
Anyway, in my telling of the story I mentioned that this was a guy I'd e-mailed owing to his Guardian connections. Her ears pricked up at this and asked if I knew his name - I did and she laughed - it turned out she knew him (went to the same church). The small, small Christian world strikes again!
This in itself was amusing enough, but on the last night she orchestrated a move that I wouldn't usually consider her capable of. At literally the final event of the entire festival, he appeared - it turned out he was involved behind the scenes. He spotted her, she waved and he came over - so she took the opportunity to introduce us.
I should at this moment mention that it was now 1am on Tuesday morning. I'd been camping since Friday - my last shower had been Friday morning. I was sun and wind burned. My hair had been in a hat for quite a while. I was wearing my 'camping ocassions fleece' (possibly my least attractive item of clothing) and had just had a little nap during a rather dull female guitar folk session.
After the introduction, Guardian Man looked at me a little oddly and asked what my surname was. He had that look that said "I recognise you, but I can't think where from" - of course, I wasn't about to say that it was from an online dating site! Then, either tiredness, embarassment or nerves kicked in (actually, probably a combination of all three) and I was afflicted with logorrhea [a new word learnt last weekend meaning a pathological inability to stop talking].
My friend mentioned that I was sleeping in her tent tonight and I piped up with a story about the late night films I'd been making with my previous tent-mate who had left that evening. He seemed a little mystified as to why I should be so excited by this and what the point of it was (indeed, many of our friends had exactly the same thoughts). I can't remember what else I managed to come out with, but needless to say, I did not do myself justice - much to my friends' amusement.
And what of Guardian Man himself? Moderately cute, beardy, interesting clothing (though one mustn't judge at festivals, unless it's a very unique form of festival chic - i.e. anything tie-dyed or batikked). and an interesting job. Just a shame that he probably came away wondering who on earth the freak was that his friend introduced him to...
The end of the summer Christian festival is usually good for a bit of speed dating and a lot of the Christian Connection men state that they're fans - in fact Mr Long Replyer and I had a long chat about it on our date. I've dabbled in the speed dating events, but otherwise there aren't a lot of opportunities to get chatting with potentially interesting men. To be honest, a little bit of me regretted not having had the forethought to try and set up some dates in advance.
On the drive down to the fields of green, the driver (another London based Christian singleton) and I were chatting about this story and the fact that it's quite brave to set something like that up - I mean, what if the date was a total disaster and you kept bumping into them throughout the event? [Because of course we all know that it is those we wish to avoid who we bump into at every opportunity.]
Anyway, in my telling of the story I mentioned that this was a guy I'd e-mailed owing to his Guardian connections. Her ears pricked up at this and asked if I knew his name - I did and she laughed - it turned out she knew him (went to the same church). The small, small Christian world strikes again!
This in itself was amusing enough, but on the last night she orchestrated a move that I wouldn't usually consider her capable of. At literally the final event of the entire festival, he appeared - it turned out he was involved behind the scenes. He spotted her, she waved and he came over - so she took the opportunity to introduce us.
I should at this moment mention that it was now 1am on Tuesday morning. I'd been camping since Friday - my last shower had been Friday morning. I was sun and wind burned. My hair had been in a hat for quite a while. I was wearing my 'camping ocassions fleece' (possibly my least attractive item of clothing) and had just had a little nap during a rather dull female guitar folk session.
After the introduction, Guardian Man looked at me a little oddly and asked what my surname was. He had that look that said "I recognise you, but I can't think where from" - of course, I wasn't about to say that it was from an online dating site! Then, either tiredness, embarassment or nerves kicked in (actually, probably a combination of all three) and I was afflicted with logorrhea [a new word learnt last weekend meaning a pathological inability to stop talking].
My friend mentioned that I was sleeping in her tent tonight and I piped up with a story about the late night films I'd been making with my previous tent-mate who had left that evening. He seemed a little mystified as to why I should be so excited by this and what the point of it was (indeed, many of our friends had exactly the same thoughts). I can't remember what else I managed to come out with, but needless to say, I did not do myself justice - much to my friends' amusement.
And what of Guardian Man himself? Moderately cute, beardy, interesting clothing (though one mustn't judge at festivals, unless it's a very unique form of festival chic - i.e. anything tie-dyed or batikked). and an interesting job. Just a shame that he probably came away wondering who on earth the freak was that his friend introduced him to...
Saturday, 21 August 2010
Returning?
The last couple of weeks I've been strangely drawn to Christian Connections again. Last month it underwent a re-design, which has improved it a lot. There was a free trial of the new features which I missed thanks to the previously mentioned Christian gathering in tents, but all of a sudden I had random e-mails telling me that some man had 'waved' at me.
Plus, a colleague at work happened to mention a friend of hers who was doing quite well with the site, in fact, was meeting up with a couple of guys at the next Christian gathering in tents at the end of next week. As she described one of the guys I had a strange sense of deja vu - one happened to work at the Guardian, doing something with their website. Sure enough, it turned out to be the first guy I'd e-mailed on the site, in fact, the guy that pretty much persuaded me to hand over money to join so I could e-mail him. [Incidentally, he never replied - bastard. ;)] In other small world coincidences, it turns out that I have a large number of mutual friends with this girl, so I may have to bump into her some time.
So anyway, revisiting Christian Connections it seems that the questions they ask are better and there are more members - so who knows what might happen? I've also just fired off an e-mail complaint (something about questions that don't match what's on the profile - I can be a pedant at times) and maybe that'll result in some kind of freebie...
My eharmony membership runs out next month and I won't be renewing it, so it's definitely time to try something else - the only question is, do I return to the Christians or head out into the secular world?
Plus, a colleague at work happened to mention a friend of hers who was doing quite well with the site, in fact, was meeting up with a couple of guys at the next Christian gathering in tents at the end of next week. As she described one of the guys I had a strange sense of deja vu - one happened to work at the Guardian, doing something with their website. Sure enough, it turned out to be the first guy I'd e-mailed on the site, in fact, the guy that pretty much persuaded me to hand over money to join so I could e-mail him. [Incidentally, he never replied - bastard. ;)] In other small world coincidences, it turns out that I have a large number of mutual friends with this girl, so I may have to bump into her some time.
So anyway, revisiting Christian Connections it seems that the questions they ask are better and there are more members - so who knows what might happen? I've also just fired off an e-mail complaint (something about questions that don't match what's on the profile - I can be a pedant at times) and maybe that'll result in some kind of freebie...
My eharmony membership runs out next month and I won't be renewing it, so it's definitely time to try something else - the only question is, do I return to the Christians or head out into the secular world?
Friday, 6 August 2010
Christian online dating - in the flesh
Christian festival season has begun. (Actually, I believe it began around Easter...) Last week I subjected myself to a week's camping in Somerset with a few church friends in the name of 'holiday' and spiritual enlightenment.
Large gatherings of Christians are meant to be ideal hunting grounds for potential partners. After all, you're spared the need to filter out the non-Christians and you have ample time to get to know people. I guess this was the reason behind turning one of the socials into a Christian Singles Mingle. [Not the title it was given, incidentally.]
I've not been to one before - though I tried to, the last time one was on at church, but my date stood me up. The idea is that you take a friend of the opposite sex (who you don't want to date, but think others might) along with you and spend the evening mingling with other like-minded single Christians. I can see this working fairly well in my usual London context. Recreated in a marquee in Shepton Mallet seemed to work less well...
Early on in the week, I'd ascertained that I wouldn't be working that particular night [my free ticket to the event was courtesy of being a barista for 7 days) and so had given some thought as to who I'd take with me. Few people came to mind but I thought that perhaps some of my new-found coffee friends might be up for it. Turning up for my early evening shift I discovered that indeed, a few were interested - but mostly at the instigation of my older, female tent-mate.
The level of interest appeared to be veiling a slight whiff of desperation. When the social kicked off a couple of hours later, the atmosphere in the bar was one of heightened anticipation. By this point I'd decided I was better off out of it (choosing instead to spend my night off drinking gin) and sat watching the minglers get down to it.
Before they were directed to an area of the tent far away from the bar, one man approached me to ask if I was participating. I replied in the negative and when asked why simply said that it was my first night off all week and I was rather tired. It struck me that he was asking for one of two possible reasons:
(i) He needed a woman with him in order to gain entry.
(ii) He thought I looked interesting and therefore hoped that he'd have opportunity for a conversation later.
Either way, I wasn't particularly interested. The thought then struck me that looking around, it was effectively the people of Christian Connection in the flesh.
By the end of the evening I had decided that there was no way I was that desperate, and helpfully, new-found friends informed me that I didn't need to be that desperate. Even turning 29 at the end of the week didn't plunge me into a black-hole of singleness depression. Playing this game light-heartedly is definitely the way forward.
Next on the agenda? Speed dating at summer's second Christian festival opportunity. Fun times.
Large gatherings of Christians are meant to be ideal hunting grounds for potential partners. After all, you're spared the need to filter out the non-Christians and you have ample time to get to know people. I guess this was the reason behind turning one of the socials into a Christian Singles Mingle. [Not the title it was given, incidentally.]
I've not been to one before - though I tried to, the last time one was on at church, but my date stood me up. The idea is that you take a friend of the opposite sex (who you don't want to date, but think others might) along with you and spend the evening mingling with other like-minded single Christians. I can see this working fairly well in my usual London context. Recreated in a marquee in Shepton Mallet seemed to work less well...
Early on in the week, I'd ascertained that I wouldn't be working that particular night [my free ticket to the event was courtesy of being a barista for 7 days) and so had given some thought as to who I'd take with me. Few people came to mind but I thought that perhaps some of my new-found coffee friends might be up for it. Turning up for my early evening shift I discovered that indeed, a few were interested - but mostly at the instigation of my older, female tent-mate.
The level of interest appeared to be veiling a slight whiff of desperation. When the social kicked off a couple of hours later, the atmosphere in the bar was one of heightened anticipation. By this point I'd decided I was better off out of it (choosing instead to spend my night off drinking gin) and sat watching the minglers get down to it.
Before they were directed to an area of the tent far away from the bar, one man approached me to ask if I was participating. I replied in the negative and when asked why simply said that it was my first night off all week and I was rather tired. It struck me that he was asking for one of two possible reasons:
(i) He needed a woman with him in order to gain entry.
(ii) He thought I looked interesting and therefore hoped that he'd have opportunity for a conversation later.
Either way, I wasn't particularly interested. The thought then struck me that looking around, it was effectively the people of Christian Connection in the flesh.
By the end of the evening I had decided that there was no way I was that desperate, and helpfully, new-found friends informed me that I didn't need to be that desperate. Even turning 29 at the end of the week didn't plunge me into a black-hole of singleness depression. Playing this game light-heartedly is definitely the way forward.
Next on the agenda? Speed dating at summer's second Christian festival opportunity. Fun times.
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
Not at all harmonious
Just in case you were wondering whether my silence meant that my online dating quest had come to fruition (or I no longer needed to hunt virtually) I can confirm that it hasn't, and I haven't. Life has been busy and, to be honest, I stopped getting a flicker of excitement when eHarmony emailed to announce a new match.
The problem, I've discovered, with eHarmony is that because it tells you who you've matched with it's something of a waiting a game. If you don't fancy any of your current matches there's nothing you can do except wait for another to turn up.
Mr Beautiful Eyes didn't respond after I answered his paragraph questions. Perhaps I gave the wrong reasons for joining the site or maybe he wasn't so interested in the interest I suggested me and my partner could share. (I can't even remember what I suggested, but I think it's a dumb question!)
But, I have a new dilemma. I got an email via the Guardian the other date and it was both funny and from someone half-way decent. Thing is, I can't reply without full membership and I'm not sure I can paying for the sake of one email!
It's also possible that I'm only drawn to him because he recognised my country of birth. One of the weirder aspects of Guardian Soulmates is that it asks you where you were born and then lists it - I don't 'come from' there, it was quite literally an accident of birth (though one that I'm quite proud of). So for someone to have noticed it, known where it is and have been there is altogether quite impressive. Thing is, his opener was "Wow - you're from xxxxxx!" and of course, I don't - I'm utterly British. Oh well, I guess I can clear up that misunderstanding should we ever get to communicate properly.
Wednesday, 9 June 2010
Put your pens down...now.
Gradually, I'm being introduced to the varying levels of communication that eHarmony permits. Today, I got the next level with Mr Beautiful Eyes. [He doesn't have beautiful eyes, but it's one of the things he lists as attractive in the opposite sex - it's about the only unique thing I've discovered about him so far...plus, I have it on good authority that should we meet, he may be rather impressed by my blue peepers!]
Anyway, I wasn't sure what the next step would involve, so logged on with interest. The first thing I noticed was a line in bold type instructing me that:
'You must complete your work and click "Send" within 60 minutes to avoid being logged out.'
Anyone else feeling the exam vibes?? The 'work' in question is another list of questions, this time with space to write your answer in your own words - the excitement! It goes on to suggest that you draft your response in Word to avoid losing your thoughts. This isn't online dating so much as coursework regulations!
On reading the questions, it moves into job interview mode...
1. Why have you signed up to eHarmony and what are you hoping to get from it?
2. How do you enjoy spending your free time? Do you enjoy any particular sports or exercise?
3. Describe an interest you have that you would truly hope your partner could share with you.
I will now have to take some time to carefully consider my response. Is dating meant to be such brain-draining work?
Anyway, I wasn't sure what the next step would involve, so logged on with interest. The first thing I noticed was a line in bold type instructing me that:
'You must complete your work and click "Send" within 60 minutes to avoid being logged out.'
Anyone else feeling the exam vibes?? The 'work' in question is another list of questions, this time with space to write your answer in your own words - the excitement! It goes on to suggest that you draft your response in Word to avoid losing your thoughts. This isn't online dating so much as coursework regulations!
On reading the questions, it moves into job interview mode...
1. Why have you signed up to eHarmony and what are you hoping to get from it?
2. How do you enjoy spending your free time? Do you enjoy any particular sports or exercise?
3. Describe an interest you have that you would truly hope your partner could share with you.
I will now have to take some time to carefully consider my response. Is dating meant to be such brain-draining work?
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